Thursday, November 7, 2013

plan for nothing.

create space. my heart wants to. my mind tries to. my body longs to. and yet, i fail.

every second of my day is outlined. prepped. strategic. accounted for. filled.

until the day i lost my planner.

i've been without it for over a week, and i'm strangely calmer without it than i've been with it. i've been forced into some spontaneity and relegated to choice. i've learned new ways to move through the day, and i've found that childlike carefree spirit i buried under shoulds, woulds, and coulds.

flash back to my first job out of college - i quickly learned i was a pen and paper girl. despite my innumerable attempts to convert every social, personal, and professional obligation into an appointment with a 15 minute meeting reminder, i loved the feeling of pen to paper. it has since become my other half - but not my better one.

flash forward to that time my planner became my to do list and my list became my life. welcome to present day.  i convinced myself that being within the structure of planned hours allowed me to accomplish more. achieve more. be more. i equated my accomplishments to worth, which only gave way to frustration when i failed to achieve some preconceived use of time that only became a must because i put in on paper.

without a notebook in hand, i've seen a new perspective of choice. it might seem small to the onlooker. i mean let's get real. we're talking about paper here. and yet, there is something liberating, terrifying, and inspiring about losing every appointment i had marked for weeks to come. (yes - i have nothing in my phone. so if you're reading this, and i missed a call with you - accept my apologies. and let's reschedule!) #graceandpatience

because i am in choice, i see the opportunity to be in creativity about my day. i choose the action to fill the present moment and am actively prioritizing what's next in the day. unconstrained.

and thus creative.

without things on paper, my head is clear and my heart is full - because each moment has been chosen on purpose. not on plan.

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