Saturday, October 19, 2013

finding home.

the last few weeks have brought with it a precious anniversary of marriage, some unanticipated news, an eager heart for what's next, and an anxious mind to control when and how my day will move forward.

and then i remembered that time is a manmade (and false) reality.

this life is not my own.

a friend asked me last week: "when was the last time everything clicked? it made sense. you were joyful. you were home." i answered by saying "when the wheels landed in Africa."

in may of 2010, i had my first mountain top experience on the continent i've come to hold as my second home. my dad and i made the first week of my month long stay in South Africa into a spontaneous father/daughter trip. (insert dad of the century award here). in our time there, we stumbled upon the baptism records of his grandfather, worshipped in the church in which he was confirmed, and the pieces fell into place of family members we'd never met.

a year later, my eyes opened to new possibilities of income generation potential for a country in dire need of sustainable living. Kenya grabbed a hold of my creativity and has rooted itself within me as a place of possibility, life, and energy.

i'm preparing for another trip in may, so i wanted to reflect more on my dear friend's thought provoking question. i've had incredible opportunities to experience connection, adventure, beauty, and newness. so why was Africa so top of mind? as i began to pull together the pieces of why i answered with some emphatic certainty, i realized that it was in Africa i first recognized God's full ownership of my life. my earthly possessions, my gifts and talents, and even my relationships are not of my own creation but of His divine provision. in losing site of that this last month, i've started to cling to what is tangible and lust after what i think is necessity.

in sitting back today and thinking about her question once more, i know the answer without hesitation. everything clicks. all is whole. and i am home...

when i surrender to His love.

God granted me a sweet earthly moment of His love during my husband's baptism several years ago. the photo below was taken the morning of that amazing day. just three days prior, i'd lost my hero and dearest friend - my grandfather.  yet in the sunlight of a new day, God reminded me of His grace and mercy in the gift of eternal connection with Him.

so often, we are running. we are searching for home. we are grappling for truth. and we are convinced we are alone in our struggle. yet we are far from alone. we are surrounded by His unfathomable love. He is not angry with us. He misses us. just as a father longs to hold his child, our God longs to hear from His child. cry out to Him. He's all ears....

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