Letting Go

I'm learning something...yet again...I can't seem to let go.

I always knew I had trouble closing doors in my life, and allowing God to transition me into another season. However, it was only when my better half actually verbalized examples of this tendency to hold on did I suddenly realize that I do not give God much room with which to work. I ask for things. I beg for direction. I hope for a second chance. I pray for some stark realization...however, I never give God space in my heart to transform those deep places of hurt or anxiety into settled oceans of peace.

That's when He starts to make room.

Lately, I find that God is nudging His way in through experiences, tragedy, or a quick trip to a coffee shop. Sometimes it's through something noticeable..or someone, I should say. Other times, it's a subtle and gentle reminder to me that He's still God, and He's still in control. My ending prayer for today, a day of wondering and questioning, is that I will simply step back and follow those still, small leadings and allow Him to work...allow Him to heal...allow Him to move mountains and make a highway, as He promises to do in His word. Praise Him Someone Else is driving this life train............

Let it Rain

It's amazing to me that God would choose the past few days to provide tactile, physical experiences to remind me of His unending presence...

You see, as you can probably tell from my last blog, I've fallen off the map recently. I took a sort of "hiatus" from daily communication, as my life suddenly began to ramp up into overdrive...well beyond "full steam ahead." For two years, I have prayed that God would open the door to graduate school, of course, if it was HIS will for my life. Sure enough, on February 9th, I received an acceptance letter from my top choice university. Just several hours later, the man of my dreams asked me to be his wife. Within a 24 hour period, my life was seemingly "falling into place." So why wasn't I happy?

Well, the truth is, circumstances never bring us full and total joy. Happiness is definitely circumstantial. Take for instance my extreme giddiness that has continued following this momentous day. However, joy, as my mother once defined it, is the deep settled confidence of knowing that God is in control. I started to see the pieces come together in my life, but I forgot to acknowledge the Puzzle Maker.

While taking a walk around the lake outside of my new home...which I adore and feel privileged to own...I listened to a new version of "Amazing Grace." In between the stanzas, the artist sings about God's grace falling on us like the rain does from the sky. During the first chorus, the skies opened up, and it began to rain heavily. I kept walking and experiencing total joy as each drop fell on my skin and washed away the worries, fears, and troubles of my past. I soaked in the damp air, and allowed my heart to receive the truth God had in that song. Only experiencing HIS full and perfect love allows us to relish in the blessings He has before us. Only when we acknowledge our inability to perfectly love and cling to Jesus' perfect adoration of the Father can we let go...and let Him.