Absence makes the heart grow fonder...

On Monday of this week, I received a phone call from my mom that my dad was on his way to visit me in Chapel Hill. All he wanted to do was love on me and encourage me, but all I could think about was exhaustion and the huge pile of books sitting next to me.

So I asked him not to come. And now he's on a plane to France.

When I first talked to mom, I thought, for some reason, that he was leaving Tuesday, so I did not for ANY reason want him to spend his last night in America with ME instead of with mom, of course. However, as I spoke with him on the phone today, I realized how much I needed a visit from my dad on Monday...and how much I wish I'd just stayed up for an extra two hours and waited for that knock on the door.

I've heard horror stories the last week about the sudden loss of parents. For some reason, it is hitting me like a truckload of bricks today, as my dad and sister fly off to Europe for what is normally our family vacation. I have become lost in the whirlwind of school and can barely stay focused for the rampant up and down waves of new emotional transition...what a strange time, these mid twenties have become :).

As I reflect now on the past few days, I realize how relational we are as human beings. Normally, society just pegs women as relational. Clearly, per usual, society is wrong. All of us long for partnership with another person. All of us ache for love, affection, affirmation, protection, encouragement, etc. I have realized how fortunate I am to have the gift of a Heavenly Father Who gave up His Son for the sake of rescuing one heart...my heart. It doesn't get more relational than that.

I am beyond thankful to have an earthly father who so accurately represents and imitates the sacrificial love of my Heavenly Father. My father would give up anything, anything, for his family and for his friends. He is loyal, almost to a fault...thankful for his guidance and love in my life now and always.

Fly safe La and Dad. Love you both.

Hebrews 6:13-20

New day...fresh snow

May 20th...that's indicative of my journaling consistency, as well. I find myself logging minutes in my mind via "clicking experiences" that I'd like to share with the world but somehow manage to bury beneath my pillow when nighttime finally comes.

The past few months have been exhausting ones, but somehow simultaneously exhilarating. God has opened incredible doors to new possibilities, and I am finally able to see them as just that...possibilities. Why do we live in a world of expectation? My vocabulary has centered around "should not, wish I could, and what ifs" for too long. After a powerful presentation from Ben Zander, world-famous conductor, my focus has transitioned from downward-spiral thinking to visionary and artistic possibility. I owe a great deal of gratitude to the staff at UNC Chapel Hill for creating powerful means towards life-changing learning these past few weeks...while I am frightened by the overwhelming work we will face these next two years in MBA school, I greatly value the challenge ahead and the team surrounding me.

I hope to maintain better outlets of communication throughout these next two years, as a lot is hanging in my life. However, annoyingly, some things remain very stagnant. Most girls in their mid-twenties would look forward to all that's in front of me...two years of education at one of America's finest business schools (yes, I'm a bit partial)...marriage to God's most amazing, generous, and sincere men (totally not partial..he's just that great)...a new home in an awesome city...but somehow, I end up bound in fear instead of exploding into possibility.

We had a short, two hour break during orientation this week. My break was spent back in an MRI tube scanning for potential damage to my back. This time last year, I was living in hopeful expectation that surgery would provide the answer to two years of chronic pain. Unfortunately, the improvement has been minimal at best. The journey has humbled me in that I realize, on a VERY small level, what some people endure every day. Women my age battle cancer, terminal disease, dehabilitating pain, loss of a child, or the end of a marriage. I am simply attempting to study while doped up on muscle relaxers and praying that I will not experience a muscle spasm during my finance exam (sadly, it happened anyway). I recently read a scripture in Romans addressing the need to rejoice in our suffering. My outlook has quickly changed, as I view the blessings God has bestowed on my life through this journey.

I guess I could ramble on for hours upon hours, but the purpose of this entry is to simply poke my head back into the creative writing world and find a method of expression...one I will hopefully maintain in the coming years as I learn to wander through life as a student and a wife. Here goes nothin : )

With love,

Parker