a quiet entrance

This morning, a dear friend sent me an article from Paul Tripp, a pastor and author based out of Philadelphia. Her timing was impeccable, as I currently live life wide awake and desperately searching for God's will. What is He calling me to? Where is He pulling me? Why is He waiting? I sense new action in my life - action fast approaching - but I (despite all my efforts) cannot decipher what that action is. Is it a change in my life? Is it an addition to my routine? Is it the removal of a circumstance?

#questionsunanswered

Paul's article speaks to God's secret will and the gift He has given us in make His love not so secret. He ends the article with a calming and powerful call to action:

Rest in knowing that as you willingly obey God, God will lovingly guide you.

So much of scripture speaks to rest, peace, and stillness. It is in the quiet that He makes His love known and in the listening that He makes His will clear.

By the end of last week, I knew it was time to listen...

Upon hearing some powerful words and surrounding scriptures on Sunday, I left church and sat in the driveway of a vacant home (yes. This has become too much of a tradition...#dreamhousealert). Tears fell from my eyes as I knew God was calling us to make our home in this city. I sense Him opening doors. I see the gifts He has given us through incredible relationships and a truth-centered Church community. I don't know how or why or when, but He is rooting us, and the process is full of (sometimes painful) refinement and infinite grace.

After my "this is happening" encounter, I spent the day aimlessly driving, visiting friends in the character-laden neighborhoods of this "Holy City." As my car rounded the corner and parked outside of our tiny, one-bedroom apartment, I stood in awe of God's design. A year ago, we were unclear on His will for our lives. We were clear on His sovereignty and chose to grab hold of one another and say yes to the desires He placed on our hearts. And now, we're here...it's as though the journey happened in my sleep. The shifts in our lives...the development of new community...the growth in our marriage...in the days it seems subtle. In totality, it is magnificent.

Sunday night, I was thirsting for more from Him and pulled out my lent journal - I just couldn't wait to launch day one of what will be a phenomenal 40 day journey. (I've since put it away to hold out...#goodgirl). In reading His words in Luke, I was struck by the sheer simplicity of Jesus' introduction to His community. God did not send His son in loud, triumphant circumstance. He did not raise Him within alabaster columns or golden thrones. He did not surround Him with pomp and circumstance.

He came in the quiet.

If He came in the quiet, why do we search for Him elsewhere? What do we seek to fill that space? Is He there? Following His will does not require an extra set of glasses to finally see it or clear and distinct writing on the wall. His will comes in the quiet of our hearts - at the very depth of our being that He constructed. His will is in His word - in His love letter written to us.

He came in the quiet, and we find Him there still........

Be still, and know that I am God.
Psalm 46:10

twas the night before I was radically whole...

Tomorrow morning, I will wake up to a new start - a fresh start - that I've claimed before...over, and over, and over.

But this time, I've got a powerful recipe for success.

Biblical truth + love words + accountability + Biblical truth = #radicallywhole

I am struck by the word "whole." When I say it, an overwhelming peace descends on my hearts as I recognize the true meaning encompassed in that word.

Whole.

I've spent some time filling the gaps and searching for what could make me whole...the peripheral objects of life were the easiest to target (think house. car. job. clothes. haircut. the works). With a laundry list of "to do's," I was still empty. I moved onto the internal efforts - scattered quiet times, workouts, diet fads (you name it. I've tried it). My efforts didn't just put my body into epic yoyo mode. My heart and head have quickly followed suit.

So tomorrow is like a lot of tomorrow's I've had. It's full of promises I've made to myself, plans to establish an unwavering routine (which will undoubtedly be derailed if tomorrow is anything like today), and the hope that my life will ease into simplicity by this time + 24 hours.

However, I've added some ingredients into this recipe.

There is radical love from the One who made me for who I am and where I am - a love I will verbalize, acknowledge, and accept like I have never done in my life. There is the calming voice and precious affirmation of my very best friend in the world walking this with me. There is choice in the minutes of my day and flexibility in what I do. There is play. There is spontaneity. There is sustained acceptance of who I am - right now.

I've removed some things from previous recipes.

There is no daily weigh in - of my physical or mental health. There is no guilt associated with any. solitary. choice. There is no shoulds, woulds, or coulds in the calendar. There is no loneliness or isolation - at any point in the journey.

And finally, I'm cooking from some pages I love.

Tomorrow starts the #radicallywhole journey - a journey in nutritional, physical, emotional, and spiritual wellness this version of myself has never taken. Join me.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:14

detached.

I love stuff. Period. I love experiences, big adventures to new cities, brand new journals to fill, anything made by Apple, a new toy for JMan, and (just about) anything off Amazon Prime. I fill my life with color, noise, memory making, and joy - and sometimes, in the form of stuff.

In addition to being a stuff lover, I'm also an experiential learner, one who often requires a little extra instruction every now and then. This week's lesson? Detachment from stuff. Gratitude for life.

In this week, I've had the privilege of experiencing so much more as a result of having a little bit less. While some construction was taking place on our apartment, we needed a roof over our heads. Being away from our home required a new commute for me to work, which meant relying on a second car we don't yet own. My bank account took a hit from a Superbowl ticketing scam that left me short on cash...and on tickets. All in all, I was seeing less and, yet, experiencing more.

I felt sheer bliss in sharing dinner and a King Street walk with my high school best friend and her family. I relished in a staycation with my husband at our cousins' home on the beach. I've been lent TWO cars..yes. two. I had the pleasure of receiving a phone call from a precious friend who is CRUSHING her goals and rocking this world. I enjoyed coffee with a friend and talked life, love, and the dream pursuit. I connected with a new friend over past experiences and career goals. I was treated to gals only date night, for which my tab was paid out of the loving kindness of my childhood best friend. I received the ultimate surprise, a profile book and playlist for my very first Spinning® class (complete with music and videos). I sipped coffee and talked life with two crazy great women who inspire me daily. I've fallen head over heels in love with the hubs, more-so than ever before. 

And I'm ready to do it all over again.

As I grow up and open up, I'm (uber) present to the trials we face as a community of human beings. At the same time I was leaving my apartment and losing stuff, many of my friends were stunned with the news of a loved one lost or a devastating miscarriage. With each phone call or email of more news from those I love, the "hardships" of my own week disappeared. The material things in my life had (and have) no value. I detached.

And I was free.

Free to love fully. Free to be for those around me. Free to live in joy instead of bitterness or doubt.

When I reflect on the circumstances of any week (and this one in-particular) - the tangible pieces of events that occurred - I see less. When I center on matters of the heart, the relationships we have and the connectedness we experience as a result, I am overwhelmed by the magnitude of the more.  The fellowship we share. The gratitude we offer. Living to love one another out of heartache and into healing. Those are the intangibles that make our lives rich. The rest is just stuff. And when we are for those around us, we foster a fullness that is the closest thing to real life this side of Heaven. 

"My Kingdom is not of this world...." John 18:36

Thank the Lord.

new year, new theme.

For the past several years, I've dabbled in and out of the blogging world - always coming back to this page, a journey to the heartsong. The title came from my personal view on this extraordinary life - that it is a journey, ultimately, to our truest life calling - that one that was etched on our hearts before time had definition.

The process of reaching in to begin reaching out has brought me into a new season - one of stillness, presence, and commitment to the right here and now. I'm stepping back from the journey as a whole and into the promise of today. I do this by living with a daily heart.

Anyone who knows me is well aware of one overarching theme of my life: GOALS! I wake up to connect the potential of a human being to his or her reality, and simply watch the sparks fly. Walking alongside an individual in #thegoallife process lights my fire - from the inside out - and I cannot get enough. I recently launched PowerHouse Living alongside my dear friend and fellow goaler, Mishelle Lee (meet her!) to achieve this very moment - forever.

So transitioning into a daily heart is work for me, to say the least.

I see life one, five, and ten years out. I have career goals, personal endeavors, and health stats I want to see when I am 45. In the evolving process of identifying these goals for my own life and partnering with others to develop their own, I am increasingly present to the power of stillness. To move forward often requires we stand still, strong, firm, and aware of what is in front of and around us. This often practice allows us to develop goals from a place of possibility rather than "fix-it" (a place from which my goals were once born, and a place in which they were quickly laid to rest).  It improves our self-awareness, steadies our perspective, and - most noticeably - enhances our joyfactor (yes. 100% a word).

So what does it look like?

1) Gratitude. In the form of photos, a journal, or morning prayers of acknowledgement, gratitude is a fundamental part of living life with a daily heart. The physical benefits of practicing gratitude have long been a topic of conversation in the health industry, with all signs pointing to positive results.

2) Perspective. I recently completed a few weeks worth of laundry that piled up from a full holiday season of work, travel, and visitors. While folding what felt like load #5,259, I stepped back from my bed and surveyed the details. I was overcome by the realization of the amount of God's provision that was evident in that laundry: a marriage through which I am refined and blessed every day. A family who loves hard and gives hard, simply because they want to. The opportunity to spend time with individuals - some familiar, some not so familiar - throughout my favorite time of year. The ability to do so. much. laundry. at the touch of a button. Clean water. A warm home. And all that goes in between. Suddenly, that laundry was not a chore. It was a blessing. That "daily" actually illustrated the very depths of my heart.

3) Repetition. What are the routine parts of my day? Where are those moments that pop up so frequently that I barely notice them? In practicing stillness within the repetition, I've found those moments - walking the dog with my husband, my three minute bike ride to work, a catch up call with my sister - to have such richness, intention, and joy. Within the repetition of my day, I find peace. In repetition, there is reflection...of God's hand in the details of my life, especially the daily details.

The above is a practice - not a hard and fast set of guidelines. Quite the opposite in fact. These are the pieces that have naturally come out of my focus on presence. And one truth remains clear: He holds tomorrow.

And so I rest in the provision and relish in the now.

surrender to belief.

in the first week of 2013, i launched head first into intention, heartfelt and committed to identifying one word - only one - that would remain my focus and grounding force throughout the year. i spent hours in the thick of my journal, heavy handed with a black pen and determined to uncover the layers of God's purpose for that year. a couple hours into the process, bold font - like the glaring headline of a newspaper - flashed across my mind. the letters came together as if pulled from the very center of my soul (because that is how He writes...)

surrender.

as my pen strokes spelled the word onto paper, my voice muttered it out loud. with the sound of it echoing from my heart, i experienced anxiety...eagerness...peace...and freedom............all at once. 

surrender.

He called me into a year of surrender, one filled with poignant moments that caused me to lean on His truth and rely on His provision. one that revealed my doubting nature and created a trusting heart. one marked with spectacular adventure and epic love stories. one that will be reminisced upon and journaled about for years to come....

because i chose to surrender control of my own life and rest in the grace of the One Who created mine.

so here i am again, this time with an open heart to receive what He has for the year to come. this time, hearing that word didn't take hours. it barely took minutes. He used the voice of an incredible friend to speak some truth into my life. as she shared her heart, i could hear His for me. 

that with which He has filled me is enough. that with which He has designed me is good. that which He has set for me to have is plenty. that which He has called me to do will happen. He has clearly called me into a new year, and all He's asked of me...

"My child, believe." 

"Lord, You have assigned me my portion and my cup; You have made my lot secure." -Psalm 16:5

an ocean view

humanness. it's a simple concept, and yet we add layers of complexity that ultimately cloud the very essence of the word.

grammatically speaking, adding "ness" to a word turns it into "the state of..." so humanness, simply put, is the state of being human.

and yet, in how many different states do we find ourselves - on any given day?


joyful | sorrowful
energized | exhausted
certain | perplexed
committed | detached
full | empty
surrounded | alone


you get the drift. that list is endless, therefore creating a seemingly shifting environment of our own humanity. we are changing. evolving. adapting. growing. we start at point a and scramble to find point b. we set a lofty goal and create action steps towards achievement. our responses change. our emotions shift. and encompassed in all of that is our humanness.

there's that word again. but this time, it lands differently for me. why? because in examining the ebbs and flows of my own journey, i see the bigger picture...finally, i can lift my eyes from the sand bar in front of me - you know, that one that sometimes darkens as the water rises and other times is a soft space to land and rest. it's been my marker of where i am in my life. am i succeeding? am i growing? am i developing a specific skill set or building authentic relationships? tonight, i'm peeling my eyes away from the false marker on which my eyes have been fixed, and i'm repositioning my heart and my sight on what's in front of me: an expansive ocean, one with no end point on the left or right, and just a horizon creating its boundary in the distance. in this space - this epic, massive, infinite space - i see beauty, power, strength, unpredictability...and it's complete.

just as our humanness is complete.

we are created by a Masterful Artist, the One who - before the start of time - created me with each and every element of "ness." within me, He instilled vision, connection, passion, and a heart that can't beat for anything other than massive, earth shattering love. throughout my life, i've acknowledged the changing waves of my journey - some with gratitude and some with regret - all reliant on the "ness" of that specific time. today, i choose a new perspective: radical acceptance of the journey in its entirety. today i choose the ocean.

plan for nothing.

create space. my heart wants to. my mind tries to. my body longs to. and yet, i fail.

every second of my day is outlined. prepped. strategic. accounted for. filled.

until the day i lost my planner.

i've been without it for over a week, and i'm strangely calmer without it than i've been with it. i've been forced into some spontaneity and relegated to choice. i've learned new ways to move through the day, and i've found that childlike carefree spirit i buried under shoulds, woulds, and coulds.

flash back to my first job out of college - i quickly learned i was a pen and paper girl. despite my innumerable attempts to convert every social, personal, and professional obligation into an appointment with a 15 minute meeting reminder, i loved the feeling of pen to paper. it has since become my other half - but not my better one.

flash forward to that time my planner became my to do list and my list became my life. welcome to present day.  i convinced myself that being within the structure of planned hours allowed me to accomplish more. achieve more. be more. i equated my accomplishments to worth, which only gave way to frustration when i failed to achieve some preconceived use of time that only became a must because i put in on paper.

without a notebook in hand, i've seen a new perspective of choice. it might seem small to the onlooker. i mean let's get real. we're talking about paper here. and yet, there is something liberating, terrifying, and inspiring about losing every appointment i had marked for weeks to come. (yes - i have nothing in my phone. so if you're reading this, and i missed a call with you - accept my apologies. and let's reschedule!) #graceandpatience

because i am in choice, i see the opportunity to be in creativity about my day. i choose the action to fill the present moment and am actively prioritizing what's next in the day. unconstrained.

and thus creative.

without things on paper, my head is clear and my heart is full - because each moment has been chosen on purpose. not on plan.